i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
