never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
