a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
