guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
