I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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