i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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