you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
