Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
