i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
