I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.