Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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