how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
