Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.

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  (636): FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust. http://tfl.nu/5llx
  Replies (8) Good night (4042) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
  Replies (19) Good night (6446) Bad night (1257)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.

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  (480): A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it. http://tfl.nu/wob5
  Replies (11) Good night (8462) Bad night (1060)
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  (925): View more from California

  I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it

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  (925): I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it http://tfl.nu/75u1
  Replies (7) Good night (1202) Bad night (1598)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt

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  (219): Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt http://tfl.nu/6y5k
  Replies (4) Good night (1739) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?

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  (716): Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle? http://tfl.nu/rwr7
  Replies (17) Good night (1361) Bad night (3266)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he's gonorrhea incarnate

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  (201): he's gonorrhea incarnate http://tfl.nu/krir
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...

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  (510): I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant... http://tfl.nu/doz4
  Replies (17) Good night (621) Bad night (1837)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You have plans tonight?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope

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  (330): You have plans tonight? (1-330): Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope http://tfl.nu/9w5b
  Replies (6) Good night (555) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents

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  (519): I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents http://tfl.nu/4hgt
  Replies (2) Good night (1403) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Die.

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  (203): Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart (763): Die. http://tfl.nu/kmyn
  Replies (11) Good night (834) Bad night (1129)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.

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  (202): I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control. http://tfl.nu/1mo8
  Replies (0) Good night (940) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.

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  (778): The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning. http://tfl.nu/ay6g
  Replies (4) Good night (533) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated

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  (952): I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated http://tfl.nu/v9oe
  Replies (1) Good night (311) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.

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  (702): In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help. http://tfl.nu/624h
  Replies (3) Good night (188) Bad night (352)

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