Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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