my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
