my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction