it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
