She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
