I am spending my child support on dildos
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Semen is not good for contacts.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
