i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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