i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
