Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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