I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
