you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
