Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think my vagina is haunted
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
