I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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