his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
