the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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