He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
