cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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