literally had 100 drinks last night.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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