The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
