we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
