Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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