oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All the doctor said was why
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
