I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
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I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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