she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
