Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
