So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
