If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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