i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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