Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
