we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
