My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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