I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
