I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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