every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
