he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i've created a new STD.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
