He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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