Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My cat gives me a boner
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
