I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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