I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
