Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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