I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
