kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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