FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
