I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
