ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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