she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
