Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
