Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
