I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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