How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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