i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
