Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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