my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
