i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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