and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
