sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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