watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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