I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
