Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
