the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
