i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
