our cab driver is having phone sex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
