Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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