I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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