tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
