Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
