He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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