I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is Oprah even human
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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