I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
