Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
