I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
