so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
