I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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