normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
